A Middle School Bio

This is me circa 1988.

I chose this picture for one reason: that look in my eyes. Life was mine, and I knew it. Confidence, or the lack thereof, wasn't a thing in my world—yet. Life was effortless because I wasn't trying to be somebody different. I wasn't swearing at myself under my breath because I forgot to pay my car registration (like I did last January). I wasn't mad at myself for eating a slice of pizza like I would find myself doing 7 years after this photo was taken. I liked who I was.

I was killing life at age 13 and I knew it.

So that's why I chose this photo. I wanted a photo I could look at to remind myself to keep dreaming. To not doubt myself. To wear whatever I want to wear. To write from my heart without being afraid to write honestly. To truly be at home in myself.

If you can dig up a photo that brings you similar clarity, do it. Then, diagram yourself with all you were on that glorious day the shutter on the camera clicked, "SNAP!"

Check out how I labeled my photo:

1. Side Bangs

2. Big Smile

3. Tourist Shirt

4. Silver Belt from Knott's Berry Farm

5. Friendship Bracelet (tell me you're from the 80's without telling me you're from the 80's.)

What I didn't write in my diagram (but could've):

This is the year I started eating spoonfuls of peanut butter (because the girls in the locker room said I was so skinny it made them sick to look at me.) Seven years later, I was struggling through eating disorders, working out 6 hours a day and eating less than 500 calories a day. My favorite food was a baked potato smothered with mustard. And that's all I would eat once a day. And then I'd lose my resolve and binge eat on the weekends, making myself throw up because I was disgusted with myself.

I don't write this for drama or sympathy. I just write this to let you know that if you did go through some difficult things and want to label it on your diagram to remind you of what you have overcome in your life, do it. I share it as a reminder to myself of what I am now free of. Thankfully, I no longer struggle with what I eat. I do have to continually remind myself, though, to not cater to other's opinions. It is none of my business whether people think I am too skinny or too fat or that I am too sensitive or too taboo or too this or too that.

If they like my writing or not.

Though not caring is still a struggle at times, I think it's imperative to shed the absorption of what others think about me.

Why?

Because to listen too intently to the noise is detrimental to the unique beauty I want to create in life.

You may ask: what does any of this have to do with creative writing?

SO MUCH.

Because when we listen to the voices of other people and change our behavior to try to blend it, we lose ourselves in other avenues as well: our creativity, our thought processes, our relationships, our joy and contentment. So if we can, instead of blending in, celebrate the way we bleed out of the mold, we will start seeing truly unique content. Truly unique art. Truly unique thinking.

Nobody will feel compelled to buy your product, buy your book, subscribe to your way of thinking because it blends in nicely with others. They will be attracted to you because you think differently and the way you think is a freaking novelty.

So...find your bio photo and write a diagram that reminds you to think like you were born to think.

And if you care to, send it to me so that I can get to know the authentic you.

When you are finished, pin it to your fridge, or frame it and put it next to your computer. Just put it somewhere so that you can constantly remind yourself to stay true to who you were meant to be all along.